Unsteady in Love: Fairlane Series #3 Read online

  Holden

  * * *

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Thank You!

  Holden,

  I hope you’re okay. I don’t watch much TV and if I do it’s not the news. It’s too depressing. There’s too much violence and political bullshit in the world. I have to admit, you have me worried. Despite my being mad at you, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. You have to come home so I can properly scream and yell at you when I’m not in shock. You can email me any time, and I promise to read and try to answer them. You had some questions before and here are your answers.

  Yes, I finished nursing school. When we moved, I enrolled in a fast track two-year program. Before I had to take leave and got fired, I worked at a local doctor’s office. I really miss working there. I enjoyed my co-workers and the patients. I haven’t found a new job yet, but I’ve been looking at houses. I asked my friend Alex what neighborhood she lived in, and you would not believe what she told me. It’s a neighborhood owned by Colton Patrick. Did you know he’s from Fairlane? Crazy enough, she met him before she met Luke. Anyway, Alex has helped me look some when she’s had the time. I’ll let you know if I find one.

  I don’t talk to anyone back home. The only person I talk to is my old neighbor, Alex. I know it’s sad, but I didn’t have the time with how sick my dad got or the money to do anything. But that’s okay because I wouldn’t trade the time I spent with my dad for anything in the world.

  Can you tell me where you are over there?

  Do you have many friends there? I know you said it gets lonely.

  Prue

  10

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Don’t Worry

  Date: March 4, 2018 9:39 pm

  Prue,

  Don’t be worried about me. I’m sorry I can’t tell you much, not that I’d want to. The more you know the more you’d worry. We are at war here, and we have to stay vigilant about our safety.

  Again, I hate that you felt the need to move, but I’m proud of you for becoming a nurse. Don’t feel pressured to find a job. I know you don’t want to sit around doing nothing all day, but I want you to find the right fit for you. Don’t take anything just to have a job. From what I hear, finding, buying, and decorating a house can be a job in and of itself.

  Colton Patrick, the movie star? Wow! That’s amazing. I had no idea he was from Fairlane. It’s crazy he’s from such a small town, and now you’re living there. Not to mention your neighbor knows him.

  After shutting out my parents and finding out you were no longer in town, I had no reason to keep in touch with anyone. They were all off to college, and none of them were the type to write. I didn’t mind though. You were/are the only one I cared about.

  I’m friends with the guys in my squad. Luckily, we all get along, but we don’t really talk about deep stuff much. Sometimes there are occasions that require it, but normally we try to keep it on the light side for obvious reasons. There are a couple of guys who will always be my brothers though. We’ve been through some shit, and it has created a bond that can’t be broken. We’re family and nothing can change that. On our downtime, we play video games, poker, read, and sleep. Mostly we sleep to catch up on all the hours we miss while we’re out.

  Thank you for writing me back. It was the first time I’ve smiled since I got here. It feels like I’ve got a little bit of you back. Please don’t let that scare you off. Right now, you’re the only bright light in my otherwise dark world.

  All the Best,

  Holden

  * * *

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Don’t tell me not to worry

  Date: March 12, 2018 9:08 am

  Holden,

  I wish the world knew how difficult it is over there and how much all of you sacrifice for our country. You tell me not to worry, but I can’t help it. I know it might not seem like it, but I do care for you. I always have and there’s nothing that can stop me.

  Even if you’re safe, which it doesn’t sound as if you are, you seem to be in a very dark place. Did something happen? You used to be so easy going and upbeat, and now, I hate to say it, but that seems to be gone. If you can’t tell me, I understand. I know there’s lots you can’t say.

  I think I might have found a house. I love it, but it’s way too big for me. I know you said I could buy anything, but it feels silly when it’s just me. So, I’m thinking about getting a dog. I’ve been so lonely without my dad. I don’t know what to do with myself. Alex has been busy with her new house, her son, and work. She works like crazy even now when she doesn’t have to. Right now, she’s in LA visiting Luke, and when he moves here in a couple of months, I doubt I’ll see her much. I understand, though, since she’s gone so long without much time with him.

  Seeing her in love makes my heart happy and gives me hope that one day I can have that too. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but we’re friends, right? That’s what we’ve been working toward. I thought it would take longer for me, but damn you, Holden, you’ve worked your way under my skin. I hope that you didn’t make me worry about you because you knew it would soften my heart to you. But even writing that, I know you didn’t.

  No matter what, if you need me, I’m here for you.

  Prue

  * * *

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Buy It!

  Date: March 13, 2018 1:08 am

  Prue,

  I don’t care how big the house is. Even if it has thirty bedrooms. Buy it! You can always fill them up with puppies and children. Hopefully, my children. Yeah, I went there, and I’m sorry if you’re not ready to hear it, but you are ‘my one.’ You’re it for me. I’ve known since the moment I saw you in the school parking lot. I know that it doesn’t seem like it when I up and left you, but I was a stupid kid who was trying to do right by you. I had to tell you when you mentioned about hoping to find love after seeing your friend in love. I’m hoping that you can love me again and give me a chance.

  I know I’ve already pushed too much as it is, but do you think we can get to the point where we can Skype? Do you have an account? I would love to be able to hear your voice and see your beautiful face. Think about it.

  I’ve got to go, and it will be at least a couple of days before I can get back to you. Since I’ve never written anyone while here, I didn’t think about it, but I wanted to let you know that sometimes we’re in a blackout and can’t send or receive any type of communication. So, if it takes a while to hear from me that’s why.

  All the Best,

  Holden

  11

  PRUE

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Skype

  Date: March 15, 2018 10:12 pm

  Holden,

  Was I ready for that? No, I definitely wasn’t, but I want you to be able to say anything you want to me. Most of the time, I hate that you’re all the way across the world from me, but I know that if you were here, I’d still be so angry at you and pushing you away. For that, I’m thankful as bad as it sounds.

  Since I’m being so honest with you, I’ve got to confess you made me cry with your last email. Back in high school, I had our kids’ names picked out, and for you to say you hoped even now we would have kids someday opened up those old wounds. I know I need to get over the hurt, and I am. Slowly but surely. Each letter and email shows me my old Holden is still in that big body of yours, and I know you regret leaving. Like you said, I can be stubborn. I promise one day I’ll forgive you and be over our past.

  On to lighter subjects: I’m going to go back and look at the house I like next week when Alex gets back from LA. I haven’t found another house I like nearly as much. It’s just so big! I won’t need a job because I
’ll spend all my time cleaning the house.

  I’m going to set up a Skype account tomorrow so we can talk. When I see you again, I’ll know if I’m over being angry or not. Does that make any sense? You said it would be a few days before you would get back to me. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers until I know you’re safe.

  Prue

  P.S.

  What does a blackout mean?

  * * *

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Hello?

  Date: March 20, 2018 11:59 pm

  Holden,

  I know you said it would be a few days, but it’s been a week since your last email. If there’s any way possible for you to even say hi please do so. I need to know you’re okay.

  I set up my Skype account and my name is nurseprue just like my email.

  I hope to hear from you soon.

  Prue

  * * *

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Officially Worried

  Date: March 23, 2018 10:48 pm

  Holden,

  If I knew who to call to find out any information about you, I would have called them a million times by now. If something happened to you, I’ll never forgive you. I can’t buy the house until I know you’re okay. Please write me back. Do something to let me know you’re still alive.

  Prue

  * * *

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Officially Worried

  Date: March 25, 2018 3:25 am

  Prue,

  I’m alive and so fucking tired. After I get some sleep, I’ll try to Skype you.

  Talk to you soon,

  Holden

  * * *

  If anyone would have told me three years ago, or even three months ago, that I would be happy to hear from Holden, I would have laughed in their face. After getting his email, I danced around the house, smiled, and laughed for the first time in months. Then I sat around my laptop all day hoping to hear from him again. As each passing hour went by, I started to worry again, but then had to remind myself there were many things that could prevent Holden from contacting me. He had other things to do that were more important than me.

  Not giving up, I took my laptop into my bedroom and set it up on my nightstand. I wasn’t going to miss Holden contacting me because I had to get some sleep. For the past several days, I’d barely slept from worry and my imagination running away with me on what could have possibly happened to him.

  For the first time since Holden had left me, I was happy that for the past three years I hadn’t gone through the torture of waiting for him to call and worrying about him incessantly. I wasn’t sure how military spouses did it for years on end because I’d only been doing it for a short while, and I was a nervous wreck most of the time. All I knew was that they were strong beyond belief.

  As I laid my head on my pillow and hoped sleep would find me, my computer started doing it’s Do Dee Do Blup Blup Blup Do Dee Do Blup Blup Blup thing.

  Sitting up with a giant grin on my face, I grabbed my computer and hit the video button. My eyes widened at the sight of Holden on my screen. He looked older than he had only a couple of months ago.

  “Hey,” I called out happily.

  The smile died on my face when Holden leaned forward to touch the screen with tears in his eyes. “Prue,” he choked out, his face almost touching the screen.

  “I’m here. Talk to me.”

  His eyes darted around taking me in, but he didn’t say a word as his face crumpled, and he broke down half a world away.

  “Are you okay?” My nose started to tingle, and my eyes burned.

  First nodding and then shaking his head, Holden took in a deep breath and composed himself. “You look beautiful,” he said hoarsely.

  Blushing, I murmured a thank you and tried to smile, but the look on Holden’s face churned something deep inside of me. Something was wrong, and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to be successful in getting him to talk about it.

  “I hate to be rude, but you don’t look so good. Since I last saw you, you’ve lost weight and you look so tired. Talk to me. Tell me what’s happening with you.”

  “No,” he shook his head and closed his eyes. “I just need to hear your voice.” He opened his eyes with hope shining brightly back at me. “Tell me what’s going on with you. Did you buy the house?”

  I let out a breath. I knew it was a long shot for him to tell me what had happened. I wanted to help him if I could, and if talking to him about my mundane life helped, I would do it.

  “Not yet. I’ve been out of my mind worried about you. I couldn’t buy a house thinking the worst had happened to you.” Shit, that wasn’t helping matters, but it was the truth.

  “I’m sorry, Prue. I got back to you as soon as I could. I always will. Sometimes it just takes a little longer.” He smiled sadly at me. “Tell me about the house.”

  “I know nothing about houses and styles and all that, but the moment I stepped inside, I loved it. It feels like home. It has exposed beams everywhere and huge windows with gorgeous views. It has a few acres behind it that are filled with trees and even a little stream. It has five bedrooms, a den, and three fireplaces. There’s one in the living room and master bedroom, and then there’s one outside. Can you believe that?”

  “It sounds perfect,” he smiled softly.

  “It really is. You can change your mind if you want. You really don’t have to buy me a house. I’m thankful enough that you paid off my student loans and all my dad’s medical bills.”

  “No, Prue,” he sat up straighter. “I want to do this for you. Buy the house. I don’t care how much it is or how big. Remember, you can always fill it up.”

  “With puppies and babies,” I whispered.

  “How do you feel about that?” He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

  I bit my bottom lip and asked. “Truthfully?”

  “Always,” he promised.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I looked Holden over. Even from half a world away, he was still handsome. The chocolatey eyes I’d always loved looked as if they’d seen too much. He was haunted and slightly broken, and I wanted desperately to fix him.

  “Right now, I’m only ready for one puppy, but in the future, I hope for more.” I smiled weakly, trying to reassure him. “I wish you could see the house so I could get your opinion on it.”

  “You don’t need my opinion. Stop second guessing yourself. You love it, and that’s all that matters.”

  “Do you feel any better?” I asked unable to hide the hope in my voice.

  “Yeah, listening to you and seeing your face,” he nodded more to himself than me, “it helps after a hard few days. I’m sorry I scared you.” He looked down for a moment, and when he looked up, his eyes were clouded over with pain.

  “I wish I were there to hug you.” The words barely formed around the lump in my throat. Tears stung the backs of my eyes, but I held them back. Holden didn’t need to see me cry. I needed to be strong for him.

  “I wish that too. More than you know. I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do once I get out of the military.”

  “Oh, yeah? Have you decided on anything?”

  “Not really. I can do whatever I want, and I have no idea what that is,” he shook his head dejectedly.

  “Do you still want to be an architect? You have the money to go to school and do whatever you want.”

  “Won’t I be too old to go to college?” he asked with a disheartening laugh.

  “No,” I waved that idea away, “you can go to college at any age. I mean, you probably won’t be asked to join any fraternities, but there are plenty of people who go back to school or start school late.”

  He laughed, and my world brightened. “I don’t think I could put up with a bunch of drunk frat guys and the party scene.”

 
“When you’re done, take your time figuring out what you want to do. You’ll figure it out. I bet you could use a nice, relaxing vacation.”

  “Could I come there and visit you?” He swallowed nervously.

  “If you want,” I answered back just as nervous.

  “More than anything.” He looked off to the side and frowned. “I’ve got to go. I promised my buddy he could use my computer. If I sent a list of things, would you send them to me?”

  “Of course, I would,” I answered without thought.